Nemesis

Heart is where the Home is.... :)

2011-09-29T18:44:00.001+05:30

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me
See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me

Home might be the place where you were born and never lived. Home might be the city you were brought up at. Home might be the place where you finished your high school, the nostalgia and the entire package associated. Home may be a reserve forest where you learn to co exist and respect other living beings. Home might be where your parents preserve your old toys and clothes and wait on you to come for that vacation once a year!

"Home is where the heart is." Priceless words.

Having been blessed to be one of the few to learn it since a young age, I appreciate it even more so now as days go by. This appreciation fondly takes me back to the university days where, I would, with pride say "I am the true Indian." I was born in Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh, brought up in Delhi. Finished my high school at Hyderabad and my university at Chennai (The then Madras. Yea it is " IIT MADRAS not " IIT CHENNAI"). A journey which I thought would never be matched by any other experience in my life.

Life has a wonderful way of throwing surprises at you. Surprises that shake your beliefs which push you to start anew . This time the surprise came in the form of my career. They say lack of options makes life boring. I would say "Too many options makes life hell". Having cleared the interviews of two competent and well paying companies and wait listed for a doctorate position at Cornell, in the department of Psychology , with an average grade point average.during the fall of 2009 meant being extremely blessed. I am sure someone up there was extremely happy with my mother and her prayers.

December 2009, saw the worst campus placements phase at all the IITs. The pay packages were extremely low and a numerous of us left without jobs. The process of taking a decision along with the impending project work was tedious, down right torturous if I may say. My phone was kept busy by my father, mother and my elder brother who counselled and coached me trying to influence the decision I would make. I heard them out, accepted and agreed with what they had to say. They did have the best of my interests at heart!

I finally did decide. I decided to take up a job at my present company as they had spoken about some interesting program which would involve travel. Travel. Isn't it an exciting reason? Ph.D would involve travelling too but my parents had issues with me studying a Ph.D. I knew I could do a Ph.D even a few years down the road but the graduate program? Would I have the same energy? Would i enjoy it later? Din't I need a crazy break? The graduate program won hands down!

My dad always said "When opportunity knocks at the door grab its arm and be the best of friends". That is exactly what I did. I took up something which gave me endless opportunities. The opportunities filled with surprises, experiences and a chance to play with my luck when young. The program gave me wings ! Wings that helped me fly high from place to place, all alone, exploring new places and people. Experiencing the lowest of the times all alone and the brightest of the days with a bunch of wonderful people!

As a part of the program you travel to different places, work on assignments for a time period varying from a month to as long as 6 months. One arrives at a new place, goes through the initial excitement then through a low of being friendless and alone. You eventually manage to find like minded people, gang up, start enjoying move through the cycle of building relationships. Finally you learn to live at the new place, make friends, find your niches and make the place your home. Then you are thrown out of the place to a new place!

There were days where i felt someone ripped my heart out and it could never be repaired. There were yet again days that made me realize how blessed I was. It was difficult, yet easy. Trying to adapt to a new culture, startlingly different people, getting over insecurities regarding race, color, looks, fighting all the odds to be your original self, holding your ground in spite of all the temptations, all of it difficult, yet easy. You find a home where ever you go, with whom so ever who appreciates you. All these teach you to accept yourself, forgive easily, forget the hardships and enjoy each and every day as it comes.It teaches you to be true to yourself. It teaches you be at home with yourself as "Home is where heart is".

The heart is indeed is your only home. :)

My red and My blue ! :)

2010-01-14T20:39:00.001+05:30

My home since, I’ve known home.

The place where I have learnt how to walk, talk laugh and live. It has been a part of my happiness, loneliness, sadness and learning. The most memorable moments of my life, have all been, at this small, isolated world in itself.

When I turned 9, my father brought me a present home. “Red”. I never knew she was to become such an integral part of my life and was to be as I called her my ‘bestest friend’. But as she gate crashed the party of my life, things changed. Some for the better and some the other way! My father who affectionately dropped me at school every morning, left me on my own!

The sorrow of parting did not last long; instead the excitement of independence washed me over. I would have jitters of excitement every time I looked at her. When she first came in she hardly knew how to sit up. My father tried to teach us to walk. Eventually, we learned to race together.

I vividly remember the day, when for the first time both of us fell down. She did not judge me. I did not give up. That was the first time we together learned what independence meant, it came with responsibility! But the incident marked the beginning of our friendship. Since then we became inseparable, where ever I went she followed. She was my best mate. We went to school, hand in hand, everyday! I sat near the window to just look at her and she just stared back at me. I was always the first one to be out, after the school bell rang. And another joyous ride with her followed. I never got tired of riding around with her. In the evenings she and I would go all around the town. Into the big lanes, small lanes, by lanes, not so much of lane lanes, around the poles, around the buildings, behind the dogs, chasing the cats.

She loved to tramp on, but then the sun would set, and the night dawned. The nights were difficult. It gets really cold at Delhi. Red used to just stand and gaze at me longingly through my bedroom window. This did not in any manner make her sulk the next time we met. She would always give a delightful smile every morning, making my day. There was just one thing that made her day, obviously apart from me. The water hose! We played with the water endlessly.

We had a language of our own. We had music of our own. Whenever I went ting-a-ling she went tring-a-jing. We had a world of our own.

As the time went by, we just got closer and closer still. I never left her alone except when I had classes. We fell, but rose, ready to fall again. Every time we got hurt, I wailed but she remained calm. She was ever so strong.

She was my lucky charm. I would have given up everything I owned just to keep her. But everything nice has to come to an end. Growing up! I can never figure out, why do we have to!

She was getting old but not a word of complain when I wanted to roam around. Finally, came the time when we had to part ways. I finished my high school and had to leave home, parents and her. I was off to a boarding school for better education. And it was decided to send Red to my cousin’s place. I was very reluctant to give her away to someone else. But I had to only because I did not want her to be lonely with me gone! So, I let her go.

I remember each and every day I spent with her. The pride I felt when I told everybody she was mine. The tears that ran down my cheeks, when we fell down. The antics! The bones we broke and the blood we shed! The shine of her smile that made my day and the jingle of her bell that made me hum! The endless hours my mother giggled at the music we so diligently created.

My Red has become someone’s Polly now. But to this date she is still mine. My cycle and my best friend for life.

She moved on with her life and so have I. I have a new red, it is my ‘Blue’.

As the tables turned upside down

2009-09-28T16:31:00.001+05:30

Being lonely has taken a new meaning for me lately.

Earlier it was about not having another person around. It just took anybody and everybody and anything to make me smile and feel complete. It never mattered, if I could make a conversation or not. As mom puts it “All it takes you is one object or a being around you and you can go on for hours”. I could never sit at one place constantly, had to jump around, make noise, laugh, giggle, break a thing or too, get scolded for playing a prank on someone, play the same music again and again and not get bored, talk to the granny next door, tell mom endless stories of my own little adventures, cry for a dog, laugh at my brother for his phobia of dogs, conduct culinary experiments, play in the rain, drink all the milk in the house, run errands, run around so much that I needed a new pair of shoes every month, talk so much that my voice would go hoarse, spend endless hours in front of the mirror trying to look as beautiful as mom, hang from the pole to grow taller, 5.3feet at the age of 9 was not enough! Sing endlessly, sketch, write, paint, make, break……………..

I have changed. I get lonely in a crowd of familiar faces. Sometimes wish there was a remote to control the volume around. Just mute it shut at times. I can sit at the same place for hours together, staring out of the window and watch the rain falling drop by drop and the thought of playing in it, hardly occurring, or weak enough to be pushed away as a passing thought! Talking to mom is something I still enjoy but I hate not to tell her things. I’ve grown up I know the right from wrong; I know exactly the kind of things she wouldn’t approve of, that I don’t talk about. Leaving behind a constant guilt, a hollowness of not being able to share with my mom, moments that are so important to my life.

I’ve stopped everything I so loved to do. Now time is not about me, as an after thought it never was, entirely. It was about my parents, brother and friends. Now the priorities have changed, but the equation remains the same. My time is still is not about me or what I want to do. One kind of realizes it, and after a point of time it becomes a habit. The impending deadlines, the assignments, the commitments, the threads to be held on to, the friends to be kept in touch with, the time adjustments to be made to accommodate almost everyone, sleep to be lost and to be made up for, the need to dress up, the lack of willingness to do so, the longing to go sweat out the frustration, the lack of the strong will to, the self containment, the regret of not doing things the way I want to, but not being able to do so cause of the fear of hurting, the fear of bringing tears to people whom I love beyond myself, the unsettled feeling that constantly pricks, the devil inside who keeps saying to hell with everything, but the heart which cries out loud not to do so……..

At times I have everything and nothing, I’m happy and sad, I’m me but not me.

Cannot see, with my eyes wide open!

2009-09-25T02:16:00.000+05:30

All I sat with my eyes wide open,
All I could see, was the passing by bee,
People walking, People talking,
Couldn't help but envy people so free.

Kids dragged to where they don't want to be,
Gardeners chopping away, trees, bushes, or hay,
The mighty pillar in the middle of no where,
The shadow in the water and the ripples that played.

Then I closed my eyes, shut them tight,
But not hard, shut enough to avoid the lights,
That pop up, when shut hard,
And then I saw it all.

I saw the birds that hummed a joyous song,
I saw the smiles that flickered every time someone chuckled,
I saw the squirrels that squeaked, playing up and down the trees,
I saw the ripples that tickled the poignant waters,
I saw what the lonely grandma did, sitting by the bank,

I saw what I never saw with my eyes wide open!

For my friends.. who finally left!

2009-08-08T16:06:00.000+05:30

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance

I hope you dance.

Hmm...

2008-11-05T21:50:00.000+05:30

The President of India DR. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam 's Speech in Hyderabad ..
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India .. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits. YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - 'YOURS'. Give him a face - 'YOURS'. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai .. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.'YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.' YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand ..Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make. 'Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels?
In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan.
Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.
This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public
When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system?
What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England .. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

UID!!

2008-09-03T21:43:00.000+05:30

Unity in Diversity !! who said that ?? "Birds of a flock together"? come on!!! Gosh!! What contradictory, nonsensical, statements form the foundation of our beliefs . No wonder every average American sees a therapist or a shrink on a regular basis, Chinese come up with one kid per family rule, the average age of a Japanese is above 40, Indians haggle over water, flood relief, a roof to live under, caste, religion, region and, somewhat around a billion gods know, what?!!

I really do not know how to react when people claim I would never know how it feels to be a muslim or sikh in our country or when someone talks about the caste discrimination that exists even amongst the educated. And how it affects, ones confidence and performance, even to this date. 62 years of independence mean nothing to me when I see a poor man trying to keep his kids dry by putting his arms around them, when there is a huge downpour, neither do I know how to console a poor lady watching her utensils float out of her house while she is trying to save her own life, or how to answer a old womans' discomfort, sleeping on a pavement beside her basket of flowers at twelve in the night, cause she cannot go home without selling them all.

I do not understand the logic behind getting up early in the morning and attending the flag hoisting diligently year after year, when to a constable it means nothing but leaving the side of his kids on a national holiday. Neither do I understand the in-expressible love, a person feels for another person from the same caste, though he might be the same person he cursed few days back!

It really bewilders me, that though I'm 21 it doesn't matter to me who is the president, prime minister, chief minister! 'They are all the same "crooks"!' why ? cant there be good people out there? Trying in their little ways to make the changes for the better. All that matters is, what if Federer loses to Nadal this time? or my favourite sitcom is coming to an end or not.

Where am I ? What am I ? Why am I ?

Or ... Is it just me ? Or is it the same with you ?

Rain!

2007-09-05T22:55:00.000+05:30

Rain , Rain, come again,
Little dolly wants to play ,
Rain rain come again ,
Hear what I have to say ,
Rain rain come again ,
watch my thoughts breezeaway!

Just for you!

2007-09-05T22:46:00.000+05:30

I owe the inspiration for this piece , to pratyu to whom I'm very thankful and poo, who's always been a great source of inspiration for our poetry :)

After a long spell...

What happened at the big bang? Boom ?
Life goes by zip zap zoom,
Have you heard me croon?
I assure you I ain't a loon,
But,it's a mystery why do we like the moon ?
I shall find out soon ,
But it is indeed a boon ,
Scared I am of that goon ,:(
May , it be the month of june,
I'll always love pratyu and poo,
Poori , burst my balloon , :(
He he! cluck cluck !Kaboom !!!! :D

When was the last time that you did something for the first time?

2007-04-20T22:10:00.000+05:30

-ism

2007-03-15T12:38:00.000+05:30

Choice not chance determines your destiny !

2007-03-15T11:05:00.000+05:30

Destiny , fate , luck , what determines them ?
What makes you "successful" ?
What turns on the fame button !?

Answers ? none! There are people who've come up in life ,taking one step at a time {Ahem ! leaving out the methods they might have used }.They 'work hard' for it . Let it be shrewdness, cleverness, flattery, contacts, Guns, money, power or for that matter , anything at all, But all that counts is that , they are successful .They have a recognition in the society. They are Destined to be successful.Their lady luck never left their side , now I don't know if its lady luck or lady lucks ! But God know where they would've been if not for it .
Now if this is a majority of our society ,may be success rates may indicate minority , but the ideals are a majority indeed ! As they say to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction ,there are different kind altogether co existing with this majority minority . People who are 'Talented' , Intelligent , Hard working . As far as the trend goes they come up in life too.They are truthful , honest , principled , and pretty much ideal gases , z tending to 1.In true sense their talent gets them the lime light .The quintessential "lady luck" betrays them , or why would they have to face insult , mockery , or make them the butt of all the jokes .....
But there will be a day , the sun rises over the horizon with new prospects , a new life will be breathed ,Their will be success , Their will be a new day .
Every dog has its day !

Their fate seems to be elusive,
Their destiny not destined,

But their choice always remains the same . Choice of path that , never was trailed , choice of path , which is an embodiment of truth , hard work and self esteem .........

Choice not chance determines your destiny

2007-02-21T18:07:00.000+05:30

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

By
Rudyard Kipling..

a poem that always has been a source of solace, inspiration ,will, patience ,dreams,confidence, life, hope,faith,light,strength,courage,.......

An ode to "if".....

IF

2007-02-21T17:51:00.000+05:30

I kept searching ,
All the way long,
Never realizing I'd know it before,
But conveniently forgetting,
Lost my mind over things that should never mattered

Then I'd known what was mine,
And what was that I'd always wanted,

Conveniently forgetting ,
And losing all that was right there waiting to be found

And today when i tumbled over it ,
Failed to recognize it!

But it still stayed faithful,

Cause it got back to me all i lost

Thank you dear ,
For welcoming me back with open arms and the same love ,
Thank you !

Sometimes....

2007-02-16T14:35:00.000+05:30

Sometimes things happen so fast , that you fail to even remember , what was said and done .You just don't feel like listening to anybody ,or for that matter anything.....

You, are dead !Brain dead. No thoughts ,no feel, no sense, the factors which make you feel alive .All gone.......

But then you realize there are so many things to , think over, to plan, decisions to be taken , work to be done , books to be read,clothes to be washed , cupboards to be cleaned, floor to be swept,
food to be consumed......

You drag the leaden body , force it to ,fold the sheets , and wash the cupboards, but oops!!! How will you put back the "dusted clothes" into the washed cupboards?!........

Relax! When you aren't yourself , when nothing seems to be the right way , life seems to be topsy turvy .... TAKE A BREAK ! HAVE A KIT KAT!!!!

OK good that you figured out thats not what i wanted to tell you ..Come on..
GEt out treat yourself for being who you are, enjoy "you ".You are worth lot more than what others think you are ...

No need to worry .If something was meant to be yours , nobody , mind you , nobody can prevent it from coming back to you .............. :) so cheers to you !

Dreaming my dreams....

2007-02-09T11:14:00.000+05:30

All things that you've said to me ,

Have changed my perspective in every way,

I can feel the pain all over me,

the feeling so unreal ,

I can't take it , no way !

But I'll keep dreaming my dreams,

It may seem just a dream to you,

But it is what that keeps me sane,

But there will be a day ,

When they'll be all mine

Don't gloat , the lime lights not your work,

It's not because of you that I'm here,

If it were for you I'd been a grave,

Its me and my dreams and no one behind me,

So I'll keep dreaming my dreams !

Winter's tale !

2006-11-25T14:11:00.000+05:30

The woods are lovely,

dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep. (Robert Frost)

Cold breeze.Warm rays.A beautiful morning....

A smile spread across my face,as the curtains danced to the tunes of the cold breeze that flew by. I let my heart dance along, until it skipped a beat,for what i saw was more splendid than ,that I had ever dreamed. The woods full of snow........

Oh me! Oh my ! Was it just another dream ,passing by? OUCH! No it was real, as the pain sitll lingered, with an unexpected tear in the eye. Strong advice, never pinch ,for a dream to realise....

I bolted across the room ,was just a blur ,I assure you super humans would've been suprised,for the time i took to brush, bathe and say good bye to the walls ,that secure me and are my respite....

Twirling to the tunes that played in my mind, imbibing the warmth that was alive.I left my mark, on the untouched snow. Din't i?

Laughter filled my ears , but with tears of joy now and then .... Oh me ! Oh my ! What suprises throughout my life. Solace was all mine!

The rays were long gone,breeze chilly then cold, shiver ran down my spine , I'd been away too long and doubled up to the place I belong ...

In search of the trail left behind, but of so many which one was mine? Panicked ,scared, i cired but of what use were they , but to help me lose all hope.I feared the shadows, the dark, but then did I realise it was all but a figment of my imagination...

It was the same woods I loved, I took courage, Looked up to the sky. the clear inky sky,twinkling stars and the crescent moon, beauty i ahd missed out on If not for it all, would've never cherished all that i got.....

Calm , serene, I laid down and looked up not knowing when i drifted into my dream land.......

You bring out the angel in me !

2006-11-25T13:41:00.000+05:30

There are many things I wanna say but find no words,
Lonely lost I sit I look around for some support ,
In search of a shoulder to rest my head,
To share the burdens , too heavy for me ,
Feelings, vague, running through my mind,
Trying to understand and help others to do so ,
What goes on through and through,
But all in vain!

Then comes along, an angel ,
With a heart as pure, I could ever know,
Holds me close and tells me what i fail to express,
Thanks to you my angel ,
For keeping my sanity and my smile intact ,
Every moment spent has been treasured,
And all the memories cherished ,
My friend , my guide an ode to our friendship,
You bring out the angel in me ! :)

I believe in miracles , And you taught me to :)

2006-11-23T15:23:00.000+05:30

I know not , how it feels to know you've lost,
The battle, the race agaisnt time,
I've never given it a thought before,
Secure with in the walls of my mind,
I lived , imagined , a superficial , hallucinated world,
It pains to even think of a world ,
Away from a world like i live in.

For a change I let my thoughts explore,
The security vanishes ,new doors open,
Tentative to look beyond the door,
But never did i step forward

Then you came , like a warm breeze,on a cold night,
Woke me upto all possibilities, and all that might,
To be or not to be , i would've said a few days back,
But now I'd always be ! Is what i have to say
Every second that passes by,
Unwasted and meaningful now,

I'd thought it was impossible,
I lacked faith and never believed,
But after you,
Seen you fight and come out unscathed.
I believe in miracles ,just as you've taught!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2006-11-13T20:24:00.000+05:30

I'm sleepy, tired , woe begone,lost, disappointed,lazy, drowsy, but still excited , some where deep down I'm alive with excitement.By the way I'm in the middle of a BT class, thanks to the lunch and the previous Ap mech slot, everything seems warm and cozy enough to doze off.
Excited for, what may seem a silly reason to you , tomorrow 's my best friend's birthday . May be almost as excited as her, though i unlike her suddenly don't shout "Yeah it's my birthday !! my birthday!!!
The excitement 's limitlessly limited, ask me cause it's eating me away inside!Mind you it's very difficult to act least bothered when there's a jig going on within you!!
I've been shopping and planning out "This " special day from ummm.......ah.............. !!! Don't know when??!!!!
I've enjoyed every bit of it, every time i cribbed i didn't know what to buy, every self realization that I'm too particular about what brings a smile on her face, racking my brain for which colour she likes, faces i made when i turned shops upside down, inside out , but still didn't find "THE PERFECT GIFT"
Finally ,after hours of contemplating , days of planing and rechecking budgets (i blew it up though :( ) it's finally the time, few more hours and bang the day sets in , new, fresh, innocent, as innocent as the child in her, as innocent as she was born.
A new day shall come! A reason fro her dear ones to celebrate, shower blessings on her and celebrate her birthday , hmmm .... may be celebrate just "HER!!!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POO!!!
YOU BRING OUT THE ANGEL IN ME!!! ;)
LOVE YA! CHEERS! AND YA FINALLY 19!!!!!!!!

The reason for my never fading smile{ unfortunately there are people who have complains even about that}

2006-10-22T21:19:00.000+05:30

Some joys are better expressed
in silence!!!
As a smile hold more meaning than words!!!
I was asked
If i enjoy having you in my life!!
And i just smiled!!!!

????????? welcome to the cynic services!!

2006-10-10T22:39:00.000+05:30

There are so many incidents in your life that make you feel unreal!! Feel you're not what you are!! That gets you back to the same old question!! What am I? Who am I?
Minutes hours days!! May be at the maximum months!!!! You forget “you see it’s a competitive life after all “running like rats round the clock!!! And all that!!!
I know I know!! I’m just an engineering second year student!!! But who says we don’t have problems!! Who says we don’t live for the competition! Beat this you think we work hard to learn??
Sorry to tell you but wrong again!! We " work " and mind you “WORK" to get our grades which for some people are necessary to keep their egos satisfied! For some to keep there parents
Happy!! For some because they want to belong to the elite!! Some cause they want to prove a point to someone!! For some cause they want to earn loads of money! For some to impress their partners!!
Ob boy I dint know the list was so long and most importantly I dint know the reasons were so good!!!
I sound cynical?? I don’t resent it!! I’ve learnt it on a personal level!! Tuitions to commence soon please do contact me you'd love them when you will face such situations in real life cause the best part is
You’re more prepared then the guy next to you!!1 yippee!!!! I know it’s a very tempting offer but I need to complete certain courses myself the day I 'm done I’ll surely let you all know!!!
After that interesting and tiring publicity let’s get back!! Ah where were we?? Life, incidents, competition!! You might be thinking it’s just another crazy girl who’s given up and’s taking out her frustration on us!! Oh boy you’re so wrong!! The third time!!!
These are feelings I know many share!! Not just I and this is all to help those who're "unfortunately” fooling themselves for hope!!! Ah!! My dears grow up!! Learn it the hard way!!
We all know we're fooling ourselves by saying competition’s a word not existing in my dictionary or “there’s just healthy competition"!!1 I always wonder how people come up with such statements!!!!
If not so then why do our parents run everyday?? To keep us happier than the rest right?? Why do we do the donkey's work?? To show we're better that the others right??
So just give yourselves a break!! You need not do a research but ya please do search for the answers with in your selves!!!
And ya before signing of my dears!! You’re being charged 6 Rs /min for reading this!! You see I don’t give free advice!! See I told you I‘ve seen it all!!!
GOOD BYE!!!

DESDEMONA IS IT??!!

2006-09-20T22:55:00.000+05:30

Standing all alone ,
surroundedby darkness.
Abused and suspected,
Blamed and disgraced,
I lose faith!Faith in love and trust and faith itself!!
tears running down my cheeks,
Staring at my love hopelessly,
listening to him blame me,
Curse me and disown my love for him
What wrong did I do , I ask
And what did my love lack?
That i had to face a day like this.
How do i profess my undying love for the one,
I wanted for life!
Whom as i see as my strength
,My reason of life!
Cursed be the thoughts that run through his mind,
Cursed be the reason behind them!
And cursed to death be the one!!
who did this.
ALas! whom am i to blame?
When my own love,trusts me not.
Lacks faith in his beloved!
Love for which I hurt the most loved ones!
Love that listens to false saying,and denies faith!
Oh what fate have I!
Torn between immense painAnd pity for my love!
LORD I DENY NOT DEATH AT THIS MOMENT!
I DENY A " DISGRACEFUL DEATH"
I DIE BUT WITH RESPECT IN EYES OF MY LOVE!!
I PRAY THEE THUS!!!!!!

this is a poem meant to try and put desdemonas'{character in shakespeares' play othello}into words!!

2006-09-05T20:09:00.000+05:30

Dreams countless in my eyes,
thoughts swelling my mind,
time running out of sight,
Path ahead of me straigth and bright.

Yet i stand lonely and,
My heart light,
Fail to notice dreams just being dreams ,
but resolved to fight..........

Lost

2006-09-05T19:22:00.001+05:30

Lonely as i tread the hard way,
As my life flies past and away,
I shudder to think of the day,
when i'll haveto lok back again.

Not wanting to regret any day,
My actions or my ways,
I pray, guide me and correct me ,
If i ever stray.....

CINDERELLA

2006-09-05T19:15:00.000+05:30

See yourself in me,
Thy may find your utmost desire,
of being what you see.
Close your eyes place yourself in my "shoes"
Dream of the prince
who's to come and meet.
Open your eyes ,place yourself
in my "shoes"
Open your eyes wide!!!
See the prince
who's to come and meet!!!!

2006-08-23T20:16:00.000+05:30

For all the things we shared,
For everything , you cared ,
Yet today i'm spared only with guilt's snare .

I doubt , if you laugh at my back ,
for there's no confidence ,
and listen to every wrathful buzzing bee,
I'm so sordid and slack.

I know you are mine ,
and my friendship thine ,
but a shiver runs down my spine ,
at the thought of you no more being mine .

As insecurity fills my heart,
I despise the day we are to part,
Please dont , leave me and go ,
And always love me for what I am and not!!!!

Trapped

2006-08-23T19:08:00.000+05:30

The consciousness , the weird sense of one's self .
The loss of faith , the trapped sense.
The limited thoughts , the limitless tears .
Surrounding fears!!!!
Darkness of " lonliness" cowering from all sides ,
Shout as i may , Cant hear my own voice,
Not a single breath , a sensation of soemone near.
Darkness closing in , Waiting fot that "source of light" ,
Searching , lost in plight ,
Not thinking of getting up Or "FLIGHT"

DREAMS

2006-08-12T23:25:00.000+05:30

As my head rested on the pillow,
To drift into beautiful dreams,
I felt a smile spread across my face,
I looked through the window,
TO the open sky, with stars
Twinkiling bright high,
And the moon winking ,
Then I thought "why"?
"Why" I asked again?
No thoughts no reasons in my mind,
But still why do I smile,
May be the blessings I counted for the day,
The smiles I spread,
Pride of choosing my way??
Out of troubles and fears,
Is it all th reason?
May be! May be its you??!!
Or may be just "ME"??!!
What ever may it be,
I smile , the twinkle in the eye!
The longing to reach sky high!!!

Chirping of the birds,
And the smell of fresh grass,
that leads me to my wonderland,
As I peacefully drift towards "MY OWN LIFE"!!!!
MY DREAMS!!!

ME

2006-08-12T23:01:00.000+05:30

ME!!

A song bird that sings,
and joy to others, it brings.
A turtle that swims ,
the deep sea ,
and can always fore see .
Fish that weeps ,
but no one can see.
A lion that roars,
not the one to be sly,
even when it doesn't get its way,
and as faithful as ever it can be.
What else can i say when its all about me